"May you someday become as creative at work as you are in coming up with excuses for not coming to work."

Welcome to Wednesday where it will be just that at least until one tick after midnight here on this October 29, 2014. I've been in the workplace for some 50 years. I could not even guess the total number of phone calls I've taken where people were explaining why they were not going to be able to come in. The people over at the Career Builder website have been tracking via polling how this plays out from the employer's point of view. They survey over 3,000 employers each year who also are asked to provide some of the strangest excuses they were given. The good news is the fact that last year's report showed a 4% decrease in the number of days taken for questionable reasons. Here's a few strange ones as reported from management.

1. Employee just put a casserole in the oven.
2. Employee’s plastic surgery needed some "tweaking" to get it just right.
3. Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood up she fell and broke her ankle.
4. Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
5. Employee woke up in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it.
6. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out.
7. Employee had a gall stone and they wanted to heal it holistically.
8. Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
9. Employee accidentally got on a plane.

I'll have to jog my memory for some classics from my own experience but I can assure you I continue to overhear some pretty good ones at the workplace here. Sometimes even the truth can sound pretty strange.

Grip. I am learning more and more the meaning of that old saw, 'Get a grip.' Literally. What is the slippery stuff they are putting on just about everything today? I don't care if it's a bottle cap, pill bottle, or a drinking glass, they all seem to be ready at moment's notice to fly out of my hand. One thing I am learning. I can be quite acrobatic in trying to catch up with one of the identified flying objects. Dropping something is not nearly as dangerous as what I might do to myself trying to keep it from hitting the floor. It kind of sneaks up on me. Here I am, innocently watching the game on TV while getting my medications ready. Next thing I know I'm making a diving catch trying to get hold of the medicine bottle cap and the pills flying here, there, and everywhere. I always try to be discreet when these little happenings occur. The wife does occasionally ask why it is that she found some of my pills on the floor. Must not have seen them. Oh, that would be the eyesight problem. I suppose that's next on the list. No end folks. No end in sight. (No pun intended.)

I would advise you to laugh while you can if you have not yet had to deal with this grip loosening experience. I don't need a crystal ball to know that it is a coming attraction, at some point and time. What's that? You think that if I knew about it I could be more focused and prepared, thereby avoiding the problem? Yep. One would think. That's a good call and I don't discount the wisdom contained, however, it just doesn't seem to work that way. But, after all is said and done everyone will have to experience that on their own. It's time for me to move on because I can't cry over nearly spilled milk forever. Or maybe it was spilled beans. It could have been my blood pressure pills. On a lighter note, did you hear about the blind man who walked into the bar? Well, as if that wasn't bad enough, he also walked into a chair and a table. You thought that one was bad, look at this one: "The tiles, A,E,I,O, and U were discovered in a dead scrabble players stomach. Vowel play is suspected." (Those were copied from a joke thread out on the internet.) Okay. I'm finished. But just for today. Take care and know that even if you lose your grip, God never loses His grip on those who are His own. (Gospel of John, Chapter 10, Verse 28) Amen.   ....More later.