Monday, June 13, 2016

What do you call sad coffee? Depresso.

I was almost in court today. No. You are wrong. It's not that they finally caught up with me. I am in the jury pool for federal court. In downtown Houston. Need I say more? I called in and was told I didn't have to report this morning. This is a first for me. Nearly 70 years and I've never been surveyed as a possible juror for a federal case. I would have been eligible for an exemption in 2-1/2 months because that's when I hit the 70 mark. I've always tried to serve when called, however, due to this being downtown Houston, I would have seriously considered claiming it, but since I'm not 70, it's a moot point. I continue to be on call and will have to check again this evening. This is what I am up to on this federal jury pool day here on this Monday, June 13, 2016. The good news is that it only costs $15 a day for parking. I've been practicing my Tim Conway old man walk just in case I need it for a prop as they make their decision. You do know I am kidding on that one. I actually don't need any practice. I'm still waiting for my new coffee maker. Maybe the sweat shop in China is on strike. After some extensive and rather expensive trial and error I did learn what it really takes to make the grounds out of one of those little individual serve cups actually taste like real coffee. Since it is processed differently, I found that when I use the grounds in my little drip machine, I have to end up with less than two inches of water to get any real taste. If I keep drinking it that way I may need to start wearing a turban or something. What's that? If I keep saying things like that I will surely not be selected for any jury? Thanks so much for your advice. We'll see how it goes.

I've had to fill out several different sets of paperwork for this jury selection process. I call it paperwork but I actually did all of mine online. They now know a lot about me. Some of what they asked was from a long time ago. What do they think I am? Some kind of time machine or something? They always put those warnings about affirming that everything you have said is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That's not exactly what it said but something like that. I think I would plead: To the best of my knowledge on that one. If you listen to some folks they likely already know much more about me than I told them. You know. Big brother and all of that. I did actually blow through a stop sign the other day. It was in one of those blinding rainstorms and I was so focused on the car in front and the one behind me that I was through it before I even knew what happened. I'm not making an excuse, just sharing the facts. Although, I would say they put that particular stop sign in an unusual place. That is, from my perspective, especially after having run through it. I hope they don't show it from a traffic cam if they end up questioning me at the jury pool. That would be something. I've always thought that I would eventually be on TV. One way or another. I'm telling this little story because I'm practicing being very honest if or when they ask any questions. You do know I will keep you posted as we see how it goes.

You noticed what? That I waived my right to remain silent? To hear some tell it, I did that as a toddler and haven't changed my waiver since then. Here is something that might surprise you. I actually can go for long periods of time without saying anything. That doesn't mean that I don't do a lot of talking because I certainly try to hit my quota every day, but, I can also hold my tongue. That hold your tongue idiom has to do with not saying something hurtful or distasteful. Some give credit to Shakespeare from the late 1590's where he used a similar expression, "bite your tongue." A related, "wash your mouth out with soap" was popular around my growing up days. I can't remember it ever being done to me but it could well have happened. I do remember it being done. To one or more of us kids. I also recollect my wife employing that technique a time or two. But I digress. Which, as most of you know, I do a whole lot of as part of my daily visits. For those who are wondering. I will not show up at the federal courthouse dressed like Santa. I will likely be impersonating a little old white haired and white bearded man. There's a very popular Santa in our circle who recently tried out for the role of Alexander Graham Bell for a commercial. He crunched up his long beard and slicked down his hair. Pretty convincing. There's a walking cane here at work that someone left. I should take it with me if I am told to report. You know. To defend myself. Downtown Houston. Need I say more? Take care and may God bless us all is my prayer. Amen. ....More later.

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