Welcome to Worst Joke Wednesday!

Welcome to Wednesday, October 12, 2011, here on the plantation where like the song says, "....folks down here don't treat you mean, in Abilene my Abilene." Of course Dorothy, we are not in Kansas anymore and we certainly are not in Abilene, Kansas or Abilene, Texas. I suppose I missed the class that day where the teacher discussed how not to waste a perfectly good mind, and, yes, I know that would assume I have one, or even know what one would be like. But since I write the blog I am entitled to play with the words, therefore, I beg your indulgence. Today's edition is designed to not have a design. I'm just throwing stuff onto the page without worrying about whether it makes sense or even if it sticks or not. I do attempt to broaden my horizons from time to time and I am not referring to my waistline. Some serious investigation into finding the absolutely worst jokes ever produced some fairly absurd but mildly funny results. "So Peter Pan was talking to Tinkerbell about how he fell into a barrel full of salt. 'I'm pickled, Tink!'" ~ Two blondes walk into a building, you would have thought at least one of them would have seen it. ~ Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his  head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." ~ A woman takes her ailing, elderly dog into the vet. While in the waiting room, the dog ceases to breathe. The vet ushers the distraught woman and her pet into an examination room and pokes and prods the dog for a few moments. Then the vet's assistant brings in a cat, which he passes over the dog a few times, with no discernible reaction. The vet informs the woman that her pet has, indeed, passed. He hands her the bill, for an astonishing $100. "What's the fee for, doctor?" she asks. "Well, my examination was $40, and the CAT scan was $60," he replies. ~

Even though I hear the moaning and groaning, my research is not yet completed. ~ China held a look alike contest - - and they all won! ~ Why did the bubblegum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot. ~ My redneck cousin slammed the car door shut with the keys in the ignition. It took him two days to get his family out of the car.~ A British Spy is being questioned by the Gestapo and all he will say is "Tick, Tick" and they say "We have way's of making you Tock" ~ What do you get when you cross an accountant and a large jet plane? A boring 747.~ What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A roaming Catholic.~ A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Wal-Mart. Why Wal-Mart? Hellooooooooo! Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in the world! ~ What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment. ~ She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still. ~ A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. ~ Why did the bear make a face when he ate the clown? Because it tasted funny. ~

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Before you throw more vegetables up on the stage, remember it was a research project. I apologize to any persons who might think they were the ones being talked about in these little jokes. The now familiar character disclaimer appeared first in a movie from 1932, therefore, I thought it only proper to invoke it as well: "All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental." I also will let everyone know that no animals were injured in the writing of this blog. That should pretty well cover most of the bases. Yes. The jokes are pretty bad, in fact, some of them are so bad, that's what makes them a little funny. And, the good Lord knows we all need a little funny now and then in what can be a somewhat sad and depressing world. Fortunately, there is a solution for dealing with this sad and depressing world. It's not a proposition, it's found in a Person. When the disciples of Jesus found themselves disabled by fear in the midst of a storm, He came to them: "But straightway Jesus spoke to them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid." Finding Him is the only way I know that anyone can make sense out of this life and in finding their God given purpose. And, it also helps to smile now and then even if it comes from a bad joke. I've done my part. Now the rest is up to you, so go out there and have yourself a really good day. A blessed day. Amen.          .....More later.