Whatever happened to really good excuses that can at least give a fellow plausible deniability?

Dare I come out already? Oh, I guess it's safe since I don't think this is the day where if you see your shadow you get another three months of hot weather. You never heard of that one? Okay, let me set the record straight. You will get another three months of hot weather, period, end of story, I was just trying to make it a little easier for you to deal with it. It is Friday, June 11, 2010 and we are up and going and thankful for the opportunity to do our little something to help move the ball down the field. I have my six month diabetes check up next week and I've been rehearsing my excuses. How silly is that? Most of the ones I've come up with so far do not pass the smell test but I'm still working on it. "I was going to do a better job of tracking my calories but the dog ate the batteries out of my calculator." As our little Brady might say: "Poppy, is that all you've got?" I suppose it is time for me to man up and prepare myself to face the music. That idiom, "face the music" has come to mean one must accept the consequences of their actions or in my case, my inaction. It is thought to have originated in the early 1800's and may have been related to officers who are disgraced being drummed out of the military or some believe it could be related to singing actors who face the orchestra and the music while on stage. I haven't thought about singing my excuses. We used to do that when our kids were young. I would have a morning where we all had to sing our responses to each other. It was like a family opera type of deal. What's that you say? No wonder we are a strange lot. Come to think about it, they weren't that fond of it either.

I had thought when the calendar turned from May to June that I had sixteen days to get everything ship shape for my appointment. Then there was that episode with the mustard greens and smothered steak. and that unexpected incident involving the irresistible wooing of those fried chicken gizzards (it actually happened more than once), and we had that special dinner meal at the restaurant, and it goes on and on and on. It reminds me of that lyric from the 1959 super hit, the Charlie Brown Song, by the Coasters, that lamented, "Why is everybody picking on me?" Here's another one. "I believe maybe the pharmacy switched my medications and instead of it being the one to help control my diabetes, I think they gave me weight gain pills instead." You don't like that one either. What a tough crowd. I could say that I've got my boot on the neck of the drug company and I'll be suing them at least for the next 100 years, but that excuse is already taken by the current administration. Man, how do they get all the really good ones? My business card says I am the real Santa, therefore, I should know the particular blood test he will order gives a clear reading on whether I have been naughty or nice over the past six months. Lab technicians, maybe they will be the ones who mess up my reading. The nurse who weighs me each time already knows I have a huge problem with her scale, her blood pressure machine, and maybe even the music they play. I'm just trying to help my doctor to understand all the variables that must be considered when addressing my situation.

It kind of reminds me of the time one of my teachers promised me a paddling but scheduled it for the next day. I showed up with my back pockets well padded thinking that would at least reduce the pain to be endured. What did Mr. McInnis do? He paddled me just under my pockets and it hurt like old billy heck! What's that old saying? You can fool some of the doctors some of the time but you can't fool any doctor with silly stuff like I have been thinking about. Most of this has been done for a laugh and it is not as bad as I am portraying it, but I do know I have not been as focused as I should and he will know the truth. I will be in for a little lecture and I not only anticipate it, I know I deserve it. Meanwhile, I'll just have to practice up on that family opera approach since it might be the best strategy I have at this time. If nothing else, it would certainly be a distraction he's not seen before. Forget about it. Here's a thought: I'll show up and act very surprised when he tells me things are not as good as they should be. Maybe I can make him feel like it's his fault and not mine. No. That won't work either because the current administration owns the patent on that one too. I do hope you have a wonderful Saturday and Lord's Day Sunday. Enjoy, and may God bless you until next week when you will hear me say: It's not over until the undisciplined diabetic sings, or something like that. Amen. .......More later.